I always get a good laugh out of the #firstworldproblems on twitter. They are insanely funny.
Not so much on the #thirdworldproblems, because it’s mostly people who don’t have a clue what it’s really like, or mistaking this for what is essentially #firstworldproblems.
For example, this is not a third world problem
Thankfully my light sensor in the bathroom has taken all the stress and worry out of turning the light on AND off #thirdworldproblems
— Michael Gunney (@McGunney) March 23, 2015
Neither is this:
— Louise Holland-Upton (@Dutchy78) March 11, 2015
Only having one apple charger and two apple products to charge #ThirdWorldProblems
— Georgia (@grobinsonx) March 20, 2015
Then a cousin posted an update on Facebook that had me saying “hold the phone! now right there is a third world problem”.
So you know what, since I’m from supposed “third world” (FYI, that term’s long gone and the world is only divided up into developed and developing world…so there!), I decide to come up with a few relevant and actual sarky #thirdworldproblems
1. When you run out of roll-on but the heat is so bad you have to use something. Baby powder to the rescue.
I used to use this method as a teenager. It actually works wonders and is a good short term solution. And which Zambian teenager doesn’t use baby powder instead of actual face powder on their faces? None in my day anyway.
2. When you’re late for an appointment and you can’t find your Afro come so you use a fork instead.
True story that. Though I’ve promised to keep the person’s identity a secret.
3. When you run out of tea bags and have to burn sugar on the stove as a substitute.
My mum used to do this in the pre-capitalism days in Zambia. And they still did this in my granny’s village years later. I tried it in Ireland once, “for the craic” as they say. It was horrific! Maybe the sugar’s just different….
4. Getting on a minibus and finding that the only remaining seat is right under the bus conductor’s armpit.
Worst. Thing. Ever. If you’ve ever traveled by minibus, you’ll understand. If you haven’t…avoid the bucket seat at all costs. Someone’s hairy, smelly pit as they gather money from the passengers is not a comfortable way to travel.
5. The maid quitting on a Friday and you have to find one by Monday so you can get to work.
I am so envious of all the working mums that have maids in Zambia. So envious! I have to stress, having a maid is the norm. Even the maids have maids.
6. When the lights go out just as you’re about to cook dinner, and you have to cook it on the brazier instead.
Though I do love food cooked over charcoal, it’s so tedious, especially in the dark, outside, squatting over it with a torch or candle.
7. Your relatives insisting your mother in law must sit in the front seat while you sit in the back because your husband is driving your car today and he can’t let his mother take the back seat!
Mmmhmm. Big debates have been had over who should sit in the front seat when hubby’s driving.
8. Having to text a relative inside the house to come and open the gate because the gardener can’t seem to hear the car horn.
My mum does this all the time. Sometimes when I’m home, she’ll hand me the phone and tell me to text someone in the house so that the gate will be open by the time we get there. Each year I go home, I’m shocked the first two days, then by day three I’m like, whatever, I’d love to have someone open the gate for me too.
9. Getting home from work to find the maid forgot to cook the chicken you left out for dinner. Leftovers again. Sigh.
Oh I would actually kill for a maid who also cooked my dinners. If I ever win the lottery, I’m getting myself a chef.
10. Load shedding!
Look it. definitely the worst ever. And if you’ve lived in Zambia for any period of time, you’ll know this all too well.