I’m in a bit of a funny mood. This is the first year I let myself to really let go and allow myself a break at this time of year. Roz is old enough now that she’s a fully a little person and is great for chatting to and keeping each other company, Krys is around for the first time in two years, and yet I find myself getting very very restless.
Take today for example. well, last night actually.
After over three years of fragmented sleep, I decided last night that I would try to night- wean my feisty little girl.
Last month was bad.
I was suffering from insomnia for various reasons, and Roz was waking about five times a night. Probably a combination of her own waking and my tossing and turning if truth be told, but it was bad. I was getting to work at 7:45 and getting home past 7pm most nights then being unable to sleep? That was just awful.
So last night I told Roz that when she went to bed, “booboos” would also go to bed. and if she woke up at night, I would give her some water and rub her back and sing her a song and if she wanted, daddy would come and rub her back too or rock her to back to sleep but she was not going to have booboo. We could have booboo in the morning and in the evening. She nodded sagey and said okay. I kept at it all day and especially when she was getting ready for bed and again she nodded and said goodnight before nursing to sleep.
Well, miracle of miracles, she SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT!!
All mums who have tried and given up will know how this feels. It’s amazing. It’s incredible. You try to tell yourself not to get excited, it’s a once-off, she’ll probably wake up ten times tomorrow but omigod it felt great!
I, on the other hand, of course woke up as per usual, but it was still amazing. I was afraid to effing breathe in case I woke her.
But at eight am, I ran out of sleep. I mean, ping! eyes open and no more sleep. I went to bed at one in the morning and I just could not believe I ran out of sleep.
So I got up, had my shower, breakfast and the two sleepyheads in the house got up past nine o’clock.
I had wrapped all my presents on Friday evening, so that was done. All the veggies and meat were already bought. The house was livably clean, we made cookies, Roz and I went to do last minute shopping for cereal and more veggies, cake was made, argh! I felt restless. My sister and niece were over so that made the day go quicker and more filled, but when they left I felt restless again.
I still feel restless.
I think it is because this is the first time I have so much time to myself.
For the last eight years I have worked right up to noon on Christmas eve and then dashed around the shops buying presents, getting in the door only after 5pm. Before Roz, I would just plop myself in front of the TV and watch rubbish, go to the gym, go for drinks, whatever. Post Roz I was either dashing to collect her from creche or the childminder and then spending the whole break without Krys. Just the two of us filling the time. So this year, it’s like a whole brand new Christmas.
I have a week and three days off! To myself. uncontactable from work.
We even broke with tradition.
We always opened our presents n christmas eve as per the Polish tradition, but since Krys is home this year, he said,
“Let’s just open them Christmas day like everyone else.”
I was scandalised!
It’s a brave new world we venture into.