“Dont say that! they’re NOT sleeping!!”

So the night weaning is going sort-of well. As is the restlessness.

Today I baked a batch of cookies, made scones, washed floors, cleaned all the mirrors and bathroom and started the ironing. This is getting a bit better. I know I could fill the void by at least starting the reading on my next essay for college but reading about rape, sexual abuse, grief and bereavement is just not the thing to do in this weather…or so I keep telling myself anyway.

But the insomnia is back. I woke up last night and after sitting there staring at nothing, I decided to read for half an hour before trying to go back to sleep and of course it worked. Book Valium has always worked for me. If I don’t read at bedtime I feel lost.

So tonight to keep me busy, I’m baking chicken thighs and making a sauce for tomorrow’s lunch, and will make an attempt at an egg and bacon pie for tomorrow’s dinner.

Roz has been a great help giving me a hand with everything. The weather has been far too dreadful for us to go for a walk or to the playground so I’ve had to find other ways to keep her busy and expel all that toddler energy. Today she was “mopping” the floor with her bucket and a cloth, then “wiping down” all the counters and “helping” with the cookie dough again. There was water everywhere and most of her dough got eaten, yuck! But she had fun, and she kept busy and talking through everything. I was amazed that at one point she asked me,

“Mummy do you have anything else I can help with?”

Oh, if only she were older and stronger, I’d have her washing the dishes in a heartbeat! Knock yourself out kid.

One thing that is going well is the night-weaning.

After the initial sleeping through the night, she hasn’t slept through the night. Told ya! She’s woken up but it’s been relatively easy putting her back to sleep. Relative as in,  to the last time I tried this. I think she was about two at the time and she went crazy on me, hitting and crying and clawing at me so this has been waaay easier. Take last night for example. She woke up at 3 and said sleepily,

“Mummy, I want booboo”

“Booboo’s asleep honey. Do you want some water?”

“No I don’t want water, I want booboo”

“Booboo’s asl…”

“Don’t say that! They’re not sleeping. I want booboo!” ( yelling now)

“Honey, I can understand your frustration and…”

“I’m not strated, I just want booboo!”

“I know honey but booboos are sleeping”

“No they’re not. They’re not!”

And she started to pick the covers and yeah, I get it, she was frustrated. Usually I hate her kicking the covers coz it’s bloody freezing in the winter and I hate even a millimeter of any part of me being out of the covers but I had to let her vent  her anger somehow so I let her toss and kick.

All the advice says give them a hug or pat their back or stroke their belllies and they’ll go back to sleep.

Lies, lies I tells ya.

Those things don’t work with Roz. When she’s mad, the last thing she wants is to be touched, so all my attempts at calming her down were met with a slap on the hand or a push away from her. Yeah it hurt (both emotionally and physically) but I got that she needed to do things her way and vent her way, so I let her be. This only went on for about five minutes but those were some of the longest five minutes of my life.

I was so tempted to just give in and try again in January or something but that would have been me giving in. I know she’s ready for this. I know because there are several times she wakes up and puts herself back to sleep in those rare moments when she naps during the day. I know because there are times when I read her a book at night and she turns and sleeps on her own without assistance and that never happened before. So I know it would be me holding her back if I gave in.

And all this time, she wasn’t crying, she was just mad as hell. Boy was she mad. She eventually turned to me, held my hand and fell asleep and it was such a relief. She didn’t wake up again after that.

And what was the first thing she said this morning?

“Mummy, it’s morning now, are booboos awake?”

Funny kid.

Anyway, I’d better go get this chicken in the oven and bake that chocolate cake I’ve been meaning to make today. Yes, I’m that restless.

But I think I’ve cracked it. Gym tomorrow morning before breakfast should re-set my clock and get me back to work my usual size and not looking like a baby hippo.

Wish me luck.