Random, illness induced babbling.

I am not feeling well.

For some reason, my bod feels the need to torment me in this weather. The tube (is there a tube? I’m not sure) from my right ear all the way down to my right tonsil, is on fire. And the tonsil itself is so painful I’ve had to take a painkiller. Have I told you how much I hate taking painkillers? well…I hate taking painkillers.

It’s funny, I’ve just written that and am now wondering do I really hate pain killers or have I internalised my mother’s hatred for painkillers so deeply that it’s only now I’m beginning to notice it via therapy. See, growing up, my mum did not let us take painkillers willy nilly. If you had a headache, your first port of call was a glass of cold water, sitting in a dark room, lying down in said dark room, and then if that didn’t work, painkillers. She had a very valid thing about why she was slightly paranoid about taking them for headaches, which, when she told me the story, I totally understand, but it means that since childhood, I am equally reluctant to take anything for a headache. which is fun when I suffer from migraines….not!

The other big no-no for painkillers was period pains. I would be in near tears and was told to walk it off, do some housework (heehee) drink Rooibos tea, or as a last resort, get a hot water bottle for my tummy. My very first water bottle was for period pain if memory serves, and it was a life saver. In fairness to my mum, all the above methods actually do work for period pain and to this day, I always try to take a walk or go to the gym whenever they are relentless and it always works.

Actually, my mum’s cure-all for everything was keeping one’s self busy. preferably with housework. A woman’s work is never done and if you look hard enough, there’s always something that needs doing around the house. I laugh now but back then, not so much.

But I wonder, If my mum hadn’t told me the stories of her childhood, would I be as adamantly against painkillers as I am now?  Surely it makes sense that if the medication is there to make me feel better physically, then I should take it with no feeling of guilt that I haven’t tried other alternatives?….or is that the pharmaceutical companies talking? After all, The medicine may be thee to make you feel better but they don’t make them out of the goodness of their own hearts.

If you can buy and take medicines every time you have a twinge, the better the company will be and the more money they will make and who doesn’t like money. psssh, no one, that’s who. Those who believe that any for proft organisation exists to make life better for anyone other than the person who’s pockets the money ends up in, please do think again. But back to painkillers, how many adverts have I seen that have subliminal messages embedding inside telling me,

You must be healthy. being even a bit ill is not necessary, come, buy our products and you’ll be okay before you even know it.

The answer? Tons!

So I’m always conflicted. Is it my super-ego parental voice telling me to stay away from medicines, Is it me resisting advertising, or is it just logical to try other alternatives before succumbing to the beast? Where is my voice in all of this? would I recognise it if it spoke and how? Honestly, sometimes I just want to stay in bed all day because thinking is just hard!

I had a problem last year with my neck and tried a deep tissue rub, gentle massage, a hot towel, waiting it out, went for acupuncture and when all that didn’t work, I ended up at  an emergency doctor’s service and tod him all this and his words.

“well, I hope you didn’t waste too much money. Here’s some diazepam and painkillers. you’ll be fine in the morning”.

Which I was…but isn’t it a bit like when I ask Krys to open a jar for me? I’ve already loosened it up so of course he thinks it opens easily.*roll eyes*

Anyway, I digress. 

No actually, I don’t digress because I haven’t a clue what I was going to talk about  Give me a moment.

Ah yes.  This thing with my feeling awful started on Friday and I’ve flat refused to take painkillers. I’m sure I looked like s*&% ran over twice yesterday…at least judging by the look on Krys’ face, but he knows me well enough at this stage. He didn’t even suggest any medication, just asked if I wanted tea or anything, which I drank in bucket loads. I also baked and cooked like it was going out of fashion, just to keep my mind off it. I wasn’t stooping to housework just yet mind. I’ll fight that battle to the last.

I woke up today and Krys had already left for his weekly mountain biking so poor Roz had to deal with my hunched over whining for the morning. She was great, giving hugs and everything, but by noon I decided this was verging on ridiculous so I took some neurofen and now, yes, the tonsil is still inflamed  but my head belongs to me again. As long as I don’t tuch the right side of my throat, I’m okay.

I had this same thing last year around the same time but it was both tubes and I ended up on antibiotics for a week so I really am hoping it doesn’t come to that stage this year.

Having been plagued by migraines as well throughout 2013, mostly stress related, I am really hoping 2014 cuts me some slack. My last migraine was in late November and combined itself with a throat infection from hell so that I spent a whole week at home dying. It was awful.

I didn’t take anything for the migraine but when I went to the doctor, he gave me a very serious, though gentle, telling off. According to him, I should not wait till my migraine is full blown before taking medicine, I should take painkillers the second I know this isn’t going to be a normal headache. And he said duck work! I should go home at once. He is really lovely and I will take his advice on board.

So here’s to finding some sort of balance, or just trying to stay away from getting sick.

Yeah, I like that last one

I just won’t get sick at all this year.

Starting now.